Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Crying, stubborn and a defiant child!

Till now I've been all the time posting about how good, adorable and lovely child he is. But that's just one part of the story. He can be as adorable as he can get and at the same time as badmash, as uncontrollable and stubborn too!

Recently he's got this habit of crying at the drop of the hat! For reason or no reason. And it kind of irritates me and DH both. When you scold him, he will actually pay no attention to what we are telling him but will start crying.

Even if we try to reason with him that what he was dong was wrong without reprimanding him in any manner whatsoever, he would still start crying.

Its so irritating when he cries at anytime and every time. Whether you are scolding him or just talking to him. He just knows that crying out will get him things the way he wants. But before you start thinking that we give in whenever he starts crying, NO..we don't. There are times when we will let him cry for 10-15 mins and then he will come and cuddle with us. Once he is quiet and we will talk to him about what he did wrong, he will nod his head and will say not to do again.

But again the same thing will start on something or the other. I really don't know where are we going wrong and what should we do to stop this behaviour.

In the mornings we literally have to drag him to take his bath so crying starts. Once in the bath, crying stops. When time comes to get out of the bath, crying starts. First he doesn't want to take bath and then he doesn't want to come out! This is just one example that I'm writing about here. It gets maddening at times!

If you scold him, he will come back to us asking "Aapne mujhe kyun daanta?" When you reason with him, he doesn't listen. When he does something wrong I usually tell him to "Hold your ears and stand in the corner." Now he's picked up this line and when he gets angry because we are not doing things as he would want us to, we get to hear back these lines on us. "Hold your ears! Stand in the corner!"

There have been few time long ago when he would trouble me while I would be driving I would tell him that "I will put him out of the car!" But later I realised it wasn't a great idea so stopped saying it. On Sunday out of the blue, he got angry while we were going back home after dropping his Dadu, he goes "Main aapko gaadi se bahar kar doon?"

So all this makes me so confused as to what should we do to control him and what we shouldn't do. Any ideas are truly welcomed!

6 comments:

itchingtowrite said...

ha ha. similarity is amazng. same here with the dont want to come out of the bath ever.. to pull them out- sometimes putting the shower on works- ojas rushes out then but tejas does not.
nowadays i try to brace them- i tell them be a good boy and say bye when we leave- high time they get used to it

Swati said...

You know there are always two sides to a coin..:)

Well, you know more than me as you are 2 years senior to me in this field , but still from my understanding i feel , they know when they are doing something wrong.
I feel Aryan at less than 1 knows it and he immediately make faces/cries when you tell him this is wrong and he will try his level best to gain sympathies also.

So, you don't have to worry much.Make sure you keep your word ..whether its a yes or a no.Don't give in , coz then they will have the ideas for future :D (They are smarter than we think).Rest is just a passing phase. He will soon be fine. He is quite an intelligent and sensitive child.

Second, letting him cry is not a good idea always.So strike a balance. Sometimes compromise with another option , like a candy in place of a chocolate.

Third, have consensus between you and your DH.Whatever is a No from you , should be a No from him and vice versa. And when he gets a scolding from one , other should keep shut.

May be I have repeated the same old tales ...but this is what i know as of today ..rest time will teach probably ..:D. I thought its good to remind ..:)

Just like that said...

oh dear this is soooooo like what Sonny boy does now.
We dread that he's becoming that awful thing- a crybaby.
and the whining gets on my nerves sometimes, when he wails sometimes for silly things.
Dunno what will work, haven't got out of this phase ourselves- it only started 2 weeks ago... do let me know if anything works for you

gargpi said...

I think you are doing a wonderful job. I am sure this is just a phase which will go away.
As Swati already said, do keep your word. Which naturally means if you say you will pull him out of the car, then do it too!!
I think instead you could tell him that if he troubles you again, you will stop the car and not go until he behaves. The logical reason: you are getting disturbed and cannot drive. Or more simple: it is dangerous and it is not allowed to drive like that on the streets. That way he will learn that even you have to follow rules. And the most important thing: both of you will get late for school or work!

He is just plying (and stop punishing him), you have to show him the "limits" and explain why.
I know it is much easier said than done. But believe me, if you start working in that direction, it will help you and you will be more confident.
Every action (wrong or right)of his has a logical consequence. If he doesn't brush his teeth, then no toffees and chocolates. Do i need to tell you why?
And never critise him, but his deeds!
Another example: If your child (4 or older) doesn't put his toys away after playing then tell him, you will take them away (maybe forever, depending on how angry you are at that time :-D!!), as you dont want them to be lying there (make sure you also do it, next time it will work perfectly). But right now Anirudh is too small for all this. I think you could very well help him with the job right now.
I think the reason I feel Anirudh is crying could be as he knows what comes next. He knows he has done something which you don't like. maybe you should ty to take him in your arms once before you say a single word and then tell him that you didn't like it.
Swati, this is for you dear, I would not give him candys. Just imagine he would start crying just so that he can get a lolly everytime.! And if you have to, then give him chocolates, they are much better for the health in every way than the sugary sticky candies, which also stay for so long in the mouth.
Nothing is better than consoling a crying child by taking him in your arms. And there are times where, I feel, you have no choice but to let them deal with the problem on their own. You can only show them the way, the rest they have to work out on their own. Make sure they know you love them.
After all, it is us who also want them to grow up into selfconfident personalities.
We have choosen the harder way, but I am sure it will fruit sooner than later. AS of what i have heard, things can only get more difficult than easy with children.
Enough lecturing for now!
lots of love to Anirudh and have a nice day!

gargpi said...

Lolly = Lollypop. I don't know if it was clear. that is how they say it in German!

Monika said...

came here as i am searching blogs sites for advice on this... ojas seems to be going thru exactly what u mentioned above... i dont punish him but i dont give in too

so did any of the suggestions above help? any other tips... i am at wits end currently